Big News

"I was not tested for normality before I was entrusted with this mission. But I have no doubt that I would fail such a test."

I kind of knew I was pregnant before I even missed a period. Like, 2 1/2 weeks before I was late. I don't know how, but I knew. That was early November. I told myself I would wait until Dec. 24 to take a test. That would be a 2 month mark, and I wanted to give myself some time in case I was just going to be late, like I was in October.

I went to buy groceries at Wal-mart sometime last week and decided to get a pregnancy test. I knew if I didn't get it then, I wouldn't be able to afford it for a while, and if I ended up not needing to use it, I'd always have it for later. So I spent 10 minutes wandering around the pharmacy section trying not to be obvious (like anyone would have cared that I was buying a pregnancy test). I kept asking God why he couldn't be nice and show me where it was so I could grab it and get out of there QUICK! I grabbed one that wasn't too expensive and went back to my cart and pretended to look over my shopping list while trying to decide whether or not to buy the dang thing. I was scared to let J know I thought I might be pregnant, so I hid the receipt and the test in my coat, and hid the test in the bathroom when I got home.

Christmas Eve came and I was scared out of my mind. I woke up around 7:30 a.m. needing to go to the bathroom, so I figured I might as well take the test. I took it and left the bathroom as quick as I could. I was scared to go back in there. I played around on the computer for 20 minutes, checked on D sleeping in his room, and went to check on the test. Nothing there. What's going on? Oops. Turn the thing over. 2 red lines. Oh, God, I'm pregnant. I got online and went to www.babycenter.com and used their due date calculator. According to it, I'm about 8 weeks pregnant and the estimated due date is 8/3/04.

I immediately started trying to find information on eating healthy and different stuff, and bawling every few minutes, mostly from everything hitting me all at once. D got up from bed and came to see me and sat on my lap while I read articles on babycenter. He found the "fat" women very funny. I told J that night that I had taken a test and it was positive. He was as thrilled as you can expect any 22 year old guy to be when he finds out he's going to have a 3rd kid.

I decided to wait until Christmas to let anyone know. Makes for cheap presents! We went to my parents house around 9:30-10 to open our presents. In the middle of it J asked me if I was going to tell my parents. I just gave him a Look. We watched some Johnny Carson with my parents for a little while (present from my brother to my dad) and J was getting antsy so we got up to go. He asked me again, out of my parents' range, if I was going to tell them and I told him I was scared to. He just gave me this look and told me to just tell them. So, when I was saying bye to my mom, I told her she was going to be a "real Yaya" (Yaya is the name she gave herself for grandchildren - neither Kyle nor I are overjoyed by the choice but she made it real clear that she wasn't changing it. The real is for this being her first actual grandchild - the other 2 are step.) She was thrilled and asked Mom kind of questions and asked if I was going to tell my dad. I told her she could tell him later. She told him before we even got to the door. By this point I was already over-nervous, uncomfortable, hungry, and about to start crying. My dad gave me a hug and we left. We went to J's grandma's house to eat spend time with his mom's family. This is the big side of the family. I'm not used to big families. I'm used to my family, where both sides equal the smaller side of Jason's family. I could forsee 40 of J's relatives (most of which I don't know) rushing me to ask me questions about my being pregnant. I was not up for that. I asked J if we could wait until later to tell his family. He was fine with it, he didn't want to deal with "bla bla bla.. when I had my first kid... bla bla bla.. your third kid.. bla bla bla." So, we didn't say anything. Kyle called while we were there - my mom called him and said "C has some news, you need to call her." So he did. But like I said, I didn't want to get rushed by 40 near strangers, and who knows if someone might have been close enough to the door to hear something, so I told him I would talk to him later about it. On my xanga, Heath guessed the secret. Very interesting. The first of my friends to find out wasn't even one of my closest friends! Around 5:30 my stomach started feeling queasy and I threw up twice. Apparently I can only throw up every other day; I had also thrown up 3 times on the 23rd. I'm surprised I haven't thrown up any today. Later that night, J tried to call his mom but there was no answer. He tried several different times and gave up.

Yesterday, J had to work so I spent the day cleaning up the house and wasting time on the computer. Right as J got home, his mom and cousin got here to bring us a coffee table. I was in the kitchen and music was on when J's mom asked me a question. It sounded like, "Did I hear you're having a baby?" but I wasn't sure so I said what? Turns out she was asking about the stuffed bear that was on a section of the couch. She had asked if it was mine or D's. Later that night, I asked J if he had told his mom yet. He thought I had told her when she was over here to drop off the table. I had thought he would have told her on the way in. So he called his parents and told his dad - his mom was in bed already - and his dad just said we should have told them before.

So now we're up to today.

J's brother N called at 9 this morning - their mom had told him to call J because he had news. I love mothers, don't you?

I tried to make a dr appointment earlier, but of course, they're not open on weekends. I figure I'll tell most people after I go to the dr.

I really need to get my butt up and take a shower, get the dishes started, and put up the laundry that's all over our bedroom floor.